Cynical casting, corny songs and a coma victim ? this slice of Americana fills Jim Shelley with horror not Glee
Has there ever been a more inappropriately named programme than Glee? "Horror" would be a better title. That's what it fills me with.
Take the most recent episode. After high school girls in school uniform singing Britney songs last week, Monday's theme represented something of a U-turn. Namely: God! Or rather: "Gard".
It started with a dose of the mildly amusing irony Glee is renowned for as Finn grilled himself a cheese toastie. "When I pulled the sandwich out," Finn recounted. "I literally saw the face of Gard." Of course, he didn't mean literally. In fact he didn't even mean God. "I had made a grilled Cheesus." (Boom, boom.)
The face of Jesus appearing in his toast proved inspirational for our beloved (albeit thick) singer-dancer-quarterback. "I decided to see what it felt like to, you know, pray," he said. What did he pray for? A cure for Aids, or peace in the Middle East? No. For the school to win its "football game".
"It would mean so much to Artie," he told Gard. In return, Finn made an offer no serious Jesus could refuse. "I'll make sure we honour you in Glee Club," Finn declared earnestly. Phew!
In the sort of simplistic plot even Friends would have frowned upon, Finn's "miracle" coincided with Kurt's father having a heart attack and going into a coma. And so it came to pass that the Glee club members (except Kurt) queued up to sing their praises to the Lord in the hope of saving Kurt's father.
"I've been thinking about what to say to Kurt all day," Mercedes told them. "And I've realised I can only sing it." Of course you can dear. We were duly subjected to a nauseating version of Bridge Over Troubled Warder.
The low point was Rachel taking Finn to the park ? "because Yentl was outside when she sang the song in the movie." Cue heartfelt rendition of Papa Can You Hear Me? by Barbra Streisand. "Oh G-a-a-a-r-d" she sang. Oh God! I groaned back.
Cut to shots of the Glee club standing round Kurt's coma-ridden father, weeping. "Papa, how I love you/Papa how I need you/Papa how I miss you/Kissing me goodnight," Rachel/Lea Michele implored, giving it her all. The fact that ? HELLO! ? the fact it wasn't her papa lying there didn't seem to come into it.
Finn meanwhile was continuing to pray ? not to save Kurt's father but to "touch Rachel's boobs". And lo! She did place his hand on her boobs, and they were good. "Awesome" in fact.
Back in class, it was Kurt's turn to make a speech. A hideously saccharine version of I Want to Hold Your Hand duly followed, in memory of the time his mom died and his dad squeezed his hand. I was meant to fill up. I was more likely to throw up.
In the end (guess what ?!) Kurt's dad squeezed Kurt's hand again from his coma. Finn realised touching Rachel's boobs wasn't a miracle and that God doesn't communicate through the medium of sandwiches. He renounced God and strode through the school corridors singing Losing My Religion. Geddit?
Glee would be a decent drama if it wasn't for the thing that has made it so popular ? the singing (or rather the angst-ridden lip-syncing). It's like watching a school concert with money thrown at it.
The show fits into that neatly calculated American world view Channel 4/E4 embraces: programmes such as Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, Sex and the City that purport to be about "strong" women ? who are coincidentally obsessed with men, love shopping and have Lovely Hair.
Glee's concept is perfect Americana ? high school football team (excuse for hunky young guys), cheerleaders (excuse for mini-skirted girls), Glee club (sponging off other acts' musical talent).
The casting is totally cynical with The Gay One, The Black One, The Asian One, The Disabled One. The cast consists of wholesome stage school brats with names such as Chord Overstreet.
Glee is so corny it's The Waltons with musical interludes by Lady Gaga. "It seems to me that true spirituality is about enjoying the life that you've been given," Mercedes lectured Kurt during their debate over the existence of Gard. "Right now, I don't want a heavenly father," he countered. "I want my real one back." Hurl!
I blame Abba. If they hadn't retired, the whole mania for tribute bands would never have become so big. Glee is taking over the charts and touring. At least The X Factor is live (mostly). Significantly, there is no TV talent show for young people singing their own songs. Then again: imagine how awful that would be.
? Jim Shelley is the Mirror's TV critic
Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2011/jan/26/glee-hall-of-shame
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