Ljs: Dear Jeremy work advice: have your say

Monday, April 18, 2011

Dear Jeremy work advice: have your say

? How can I resolve a very personal work relationship?
? I'm being excluded from management meetings

At the start of each week, we publish the problems that will feature in this Saturday's Dear Jeremy advice column in the Guardian Work supplement, so readers can offer their own advice and suggestions. We then print the best of your comments alongside Jeremy's own insights.

Here are this week's dilemmas ? what are your thoughts?

Problem one: How can I resolve a very personal work relationship?

Several years ago we hired an employee. I thought we worked well together and we became friends. Over the course of five years I loaned him a large sum of money, he lived with us, and I arranged for him to take a two-year sabbatical while he finished his professional qualifications. He is 10 years younger than me and I viewed him like a younger brother who I worked with. I have always made it clear that if he needed anything he should ask me and, if I could, I would help him out.

I admit I have done several things that, in hindsight, were poorly judged. I tried to take a step back, but at that point he had another major personal issue and I stepped forward again. The issue affected his mental state and his work suffered badly. I was very much out of my depth and I was becoming depressed about my inability to help him. We knew he was tight for money after being a student and gave him a large pay rise and a long holiday. However, when he returned he was still clearly depressed, very distant and, on several occasions, snide and insulting. I then found out he had also started to do work for a former employee of mine.

When we discuss any of this it brings out new grudges, including him telling me that he never liked me and only went along with all this because I was his boss. I feel deceived and, increasingly, very angry. However, the more antagonistic things become between us the better focused he is at his work. My business partners have offered to mediate, but given the personal nature of this I am reluctant to take them up. Can you offer any advice?

Problem two: I'm being excluded from management meetings

I recently started a new role having spent the past few years as a successful self-employed consultant. A key part of this role is membership of the management team, confirmed to me in writing prior to my joining.

However, for the eight weeks since joining I have not been invited into any weekly management meetings, despite reminding the MD (it is always "come in next week"). I have also had no participation in our merger with a sister company, something which will certainly affect me, my team and my part of the business.

Throughout my boss has told me that he wants me as part of the management team, that I will be participating in planning the merger and that I would lead part of the merged business. However nothing has happened.

What should I do? Every time I raise the issue I get more promises but no action. It does feel as if I've been recruited under false pretences.

What are your thoughts?

? For Jeremy's and readers' advice on a work issue, send a brief email to dear.jeremy@guardian.co.uk. Please note that he is unable to answer questions of a legal nature or reply personally

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